At the suggestion of my best friend (whom I will warn is
particularly partial to all things France as she was an avid student of French
and traveler to France in college), the first parenting book I read after
learning my good news was Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers
the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman.
The book follows the American author as she marries an
Englishman and the two settle in and have their children in Paris. A journalist
by profession, Druckerman observes, absorbs, researches, and interviews her
seemingly endless flow of friends, acquaintances, and professional connections
to process and relate the differences in French parenting that might be
enlightening and useful to Americans (and others).
I will say that it was an enjoyable read, and offered
some very interesting perspective on parenting from another culture. I liked
that Druckerman isn't a French-worshipper; she offers criticisms of some of the
parenting practices she encounters, and she is honest about which tactics she
just isn't able to bring herself to convert to.
A few points struck a chord with me, in particular--ideas
that made me think, and that I would certainly consider tucking into my as-yet
fairly empty bag of tricks. I won't feed you every good idea I gleaned from the
book, especially because you might find different ideas to latch onto from the
book that could fit better for you specifically. But here are just a few points
I found worth noting, in brief:
>>The French assume infants can begin to understand
things, including speech, more or less from the very beginning, and so they
speak to their babies constantly. They're always explaining to them what
they're doing or about to do ("It's bedtime now and I'd like you to relax
and go to sleep," or "I'm about to change your diaper, and the wipe
may be cold"). While I would argue that there's not much evidence that an
infant can process speech at such a young age, we know speaking to them
constantly benefits their brain development. Also, why would it ever be a bad
thing to speak to your infant in soothing tones, explaining things, because
perhaps they'll begin to read your tone before they understand your words? And
getting in the habit of explaining things to them will only help when they
begin to transition into actually comprehending your words, right? Made sense
to me.
>> The French tell their kids to be
"sage" (a French word meaning "wise and calm") instead of
telling them to be good as Americans
often do. This word implies that their behavior, even when naughty, doesn't
mean the child is a bad person. It also carries with it a deeper meaning than
just behaving appropriately; it implies you are telling the child to make
intelligent choices, be calm, have self-control--and that you have trust in the
child to be able to accomplish all this. Wow, talk about a loaded term! But I
think the whole point is that the perspective is coming from an entirely
different angle.
>>The French only allow one planned snack per day,
and don't pacify their toddlers with an endless stream of Goldfish crackers!
They don't even set up that expectation. Smart. And at meals, children must try
at least one bite of everything, because the widely-held view is that if a
child tries a food many times, they will eventually come to like it.
>>And, my favorite one: kids have their own
kid-allowed curse words, such as "caca boudin" which means poop sausage. And there is a word for
minor naughty infractions, "bêtises," which are inevitable in
childhood and don't warrant such strong reactions as more serious behaviors.
Quite a few of these ideas are actually very simple,
maybe even old-fashioned, common sense concepts. But to be reminded of them, as
some of them have fallen out of vogue of late, is never a bad thing!
No comments:
Post a Comment