Right now, I work a traditional full-time, 40 hour a week job, and I do enjoy my job most days. But we have plans for me to "retire" in a few years to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. I have absolutely no opinion on whether working or staying home is "better," because I think that's so relative to each individual family and parent and situation. What works best for one family might not work out too well for another. But it seems to be in the cards for us to work out that way.
That said, I feel it is important for me, personally, to both maintain some of my own personal identity outside of being my Epic Kiddos' mama, as well as to have some goals and ambitions that drive me and fulfill me personally. Don't get me wrong, I have wanted motherhood to be a defining trait in my identity for a long time, but I think balance and maintaining a sense of self is vital to having a healthy relationship with motherhood.
I've never been an ambitiously career-minded person. Everyone is different on that front, too, but to me--a job is a job. I have this creativity bubbling up inside of me which must find outlets for fulfillment outside of my 9-5. I had a good long run with a moderately successful Etsy shop, and for awhile that was pretty fulfilling for me, but I lost my drive and passion for it as it became much more of a chore than a source of enjoyment. I've used my creativity in other avenues in the past, too--a garage band that lasted several years, a different blog other than this one, and a few other ventures.
But the big thing I always come back to, and have since I was a little girl, is WRITING.
And that's the dream that I still hold onto--to one day be a published fiction writer. It's something I can aspire to while changing diapers and cleaning spit-up, knowing that it will be whatever I make it and it will fit into my life. I am always writing here and there, or cooking up new story ideas, in the midst of everything else that's going on in my life. I always turn the dial one direction or the other as fits my life at any given time, dialing back when life is a bit too busy or turning it up when I have more time and freedom to spread my ideas out before me. But after our hopefully two kiddos are a little bit older, and I find myself needing some more "me time" to rebuild my identity as a person who is not only a mother, things should work out where I have a day or two each week to devote to my writing.
I'm starting to formulate some flexible-yet-semi-solid goals to work toward, beginning now. I need to begin now by reading more of others' books in the areas I'm most interested in writing, namely children's fantasy fiction in the vein of Harry Potter or A Wrinkle in Time. That's something I can do easily now, before the baby arrives, and certainly less easily after, but I'll still make time when I can. I can also chew on ideas--I have a couple of fairly solid ideas that could be great starting points--and choose a direction to go with what will hopefully become my first novel. I can jot down outlines and bits of background information here and there, as ideas come to me and as I have time, and perhaps by the time I'm ready to begin digging in, I'll have a pretty fleshed-out outline as a basis for my book.
Maybe it's a lofty dream, but I think it's doable. It's absent of pressure or rules or time frames or anything that might make me give up altogether. But it's still going to be there, and even though it will be on the back burner for quite some time, it will still be a little spark to give me some extra light.
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