As I've previously mentioned, Mr. Epic and I are atheists, and therefore will be raising Baby Epic (and any prospective future siblings) in a secular household. We feel pretty confident with this as it pertains to our little family: we plan to instill a strong sense of morals in our child, as well as stressing logic, curiosity, the importance of seeking out facts, how to treat others, and many other qualities that are important to us. We know what we stand for, and what is important to us. We approach things with logic, a level head, and an open mind.
We are also very lucky to have a few friends who are also atheists, including two of our closest friends, a couple with a five-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy. Not only do we hang out every week, get along great, and share many of the same viewpoints, interests, and attitudes...but also, they've been raising their littles in an atheist/secular home and can offer us all kinds of good nuggets of wisdom. Gotta love those nuggets.
That said, one aspect of atheist parenting that may prove difficult is dealing with family. On Mr. Epic's side, it will be a breeze. His dad is an atheist (awesome!) and his mom, a fairly devout, semi-practicing Catholic, has coexisted with her husband and children being atheists for years and it works great in their family. So, no surprises, no hurdles. Easy-peasy. But my side of the family may prove to be a different story.
I've never "come out" as an atheist to my family.
My dad is a very smart guy. I'm sure he suspects. He has seen the books on our bookshelves at home, has heard us talk about science in ways that have to clue him in. And, my good ol' dad, being the smart guy he is, would not bring it up to my mom and run the risk of World War III. While he himself is a Christian, I think he usually airs on the side of common sense and at least accepts that it is our business what our beliefs are or aren't.
But my mom and grandparents would BLOW. A. GASKET. if they knew we are atheists, I think. I may not be giving them enough credit--my grandma recently said to me, "I don't know if you still do that sort of thing but I'll pray for you," which I took to be a pretty evolved sort of comment from someone as old-fashioned and hardcore-baptist as she is. My mom may even suspect, herself, but I don't think she can handle taking the next step to actually admitting it to herself.
I'm pretty sure that aside from my dad, my family doesn't get that atheist =/= Satanist, and probably doesn't get what atheism means at all. My mom is very much a "we do this because that's what you're supposed to do" sort of person. She thinks people are just "supposed" to behave in certain ways, just because, and so she does those things without questioning. She would probably be more dismayed in that department than in the state of our eternal souls, to be quite honest. My grandparents, on the other hand, would probably be VERY concerned about getting us into heaven.
This is all well and good--if we chose to make it their business, we'd deal and they'd deal, and I'm sure they'd get over it more quickly than I even give them credit for--but for the whole Baby Epic wrench being thrown into the scenario. It'll start with my mom turning the tv on Christian kid shows when the kiddo is at her house, and then my parents will start asking us if they can take Baby Epic to church to show him/her off. They may even start in on us about going to church with them. For the sake of our kid.
My plan as of now is to offer polite but terse refusals and to explain and discuss as little of the topic with my parents as possible. I am not much of an atheist evangelist; I have no hope or desire to "win my parents over" so long as their Christianity isn't hurting anyone or overly influencing my child. I'd like to think I am setting an example of live-and-let-live that those around me of many different beliefs could benefit from.
If your parents' beliefs differ greatly from your own, how did that come into play when you had kids (or how do you think it will when you do have kids)?
I've been fairly lucky in that regard. The Yeti dealt with all the hard questions on his side of the family years ago, and my family was never terribly religious to begin with, so we haven't had to deal with "So when is he getting baptized?" stuff. We also still celebrate secular versions of the major holidays (which, again, isn't really different from my upbringing) so I think everyone just sort of goes with the flow without analyzing the internal motivations.
ReplyDeleteWe've had a harder time, over the years, with family members who have become more religious - Catholic for some, some sort of southern Protestant for others. And there's another family member (not me) who's more of the evangelist type of atheist, which has also caused conflict. I think everyone feels that a child's religious upbringing (or lack thereof) is up to the parents, so there haven't been many boundaries overstepped over the years. I have such a large family that luckily I don't feel like I'm going against the grain, particularly, and as long as there's a bunch of food on a holiday we're all set.
That is great that you haven't had too many problems / issues with it. We do the same, as far as celebrating the holidays from a secular angle, so there really aren't any issues pertaining to the holidays. I'm hoping that I'm worrying for nothing and that it goes similarly for us as it has for you--that our parenting choices are respected and no one makes too much out of it all. Perhaps it will help that the ones that will care the most--my grandparents--are also the ones we see the least, so when we do get together hopefully other topics will be at the forefront of their minds rather than getting into the religion topic.
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